Nostalgia and Memories. 16 June 2011
16 June 2011.
Nostalgia and Memories.
Today, I unexpectedly chanced upon a few of my old photo albums. Inside were many photos of my childhood, taken when I was still very young. While browsing through the album, nostalgia surged through me. I felt a feeling of nostalgia surge through me. I started thinking of my past. I started to think of the people who were in my life. One of whom is my grandmother, who is a prominent figure in my life.
My grandmother is probably one of the fiercest looking grandmothers that you can find. With her loud and vibrant voice, she would always be nagging at me incessantly. I found it very irritating sometimes. However, she would have the most caring attitude towards her grandchildren.
Ever since I was born into this world, my grandmother would take care of me when my parents were busy with their work. She would always be there for me, feeding me with powdered milk, singing a lullaby for me to sleep to, and taught me how to start speaking. Basically, my grandmother was like a mother to me. Every time, without fail, whenever I told her I wanted to buy my favorite toys, she would take out money from her own savings and get them for me. She never questioned me, not even once, why I wanted those toys. All that she wanted was for me to be happy. She was someone whom I know that I can truly rely on. She took care of me even till I was in primary six and I would used to visit her every weekend.
It was only just February this year when I found out something -something that I wished that I had not known of. It was her medical condition. As weeks transpired, her skin tone seemed to turn yellow. Her eyes were yellowish in color, and he skin was pale yellow too. Not only that, I could also feel that she was getting weaker and weaker. Being curious, I went back to check on what her condition might be, as my tight-lipped parents did not want to tell me anything. I found out that her yellow skin tone and eyes were caused by a medical condition called “jaundice”. Jaundice is a condition that will occur when a patient’s organs fail. I could not really sleep that night, and kept thinking of what could possibly go wrong with my grandmother.
The next day, I went over to visit my grandmother. As I sat down next to her, she smiled feebly at me. I can never forget the smile on her face. She was so weak but still bothered to lift a smile just for me. I began to chat with her about how she was doing and if she was feeling any discomfort. She then explained to me that the doctors operated on three places and kept giving her jabs. I could feel her pain. She told me that it was really painful and it had something to do with her gall bladder. As she was explaining these, I almost broke down in tears right in front of her! I could not stand it seeing the person, who took such great care of me, suffer so much. I held back my emotions and put up a brave front. Afterwards, I continued talking to her as naturally as I could, for the rest of the day. That night, I did some research and found out that my grandmother might have contracted gall-bladder cancer. I immediately approached my parents and wanted to elicit an answer from them. My mother then confirmed my suspicions that grandmother really had contracted gall-bladder cancer and her health had been deteriorating ever since. The cancer cells had spread to the liver, causing my grandmother’s liver to fail. My mother also added that the doctor had ascertained that she was only left with a remaining lifespan of only three to six months. The longest period that she could still live was probably only just a year! I was really shocked and dumbfounded. What was worse was that I had to keep her condition a secret from everyone else and pretend that I did not know about it. At that point of time, I just hoped that everything wasn’t real.
I went back to my room and did not sleep well the whole night. Thoughts had been filling up my mind. Why would this happen so soon? She was still laughing and joking last month! Why did she have to leave so early? I needed more time. I wanted to show her my O level results at the very least. The night felt so long as I turned restlessly on my bed I just couldn’t sleep. The piece of information about my grandmother’s condition had been bogging me down ever since I knew of it. No matter how hurting it was to me, I still had to go to school and continue my life as per normal. Regardless of where I went, be it to school or to family outings, I would have to put on a façade. I would have to pretend that nothing happened and that I was very strong. In order to make myself feel better, I started visiting my grandmother and grandfather every week without fail and hoped that my presence would, in return, make my grandmother feel better. Knowing that I would live to regret if I did not spend more time with her, I quickly seized every opportunity I got to see my grandmother and made her last few weeks of life as memorable one. There were many family outings organized just to bring my grandmother out more. It felt like the time when the whole of the big family was really bonded. Anyway, I have learnt a lesson. You can never believe what the doctors say, my grandmother passed away shortly after one month.
Right now, I can still vaguely remember what happened that evening, 1 when she passed away... Ok, I lied. Do I really still remember it? Or is it just me, who still refuses to accept the fact and pretend that I have forgotten everything? Deep in my heart, I know it’s the latter. I know that I am just lying to myself that I can’t remember what happened that evening. I fear that it will probably hurt like a zillion needles pricking me if I were to choose to admit that the memory is still fresh and vivid in my mind. Every day, I force myself to think positively so that it will not torment me that much and choose to think about all of the awesome memories I had with her.
I have many beautiful memories with my grandmother before she passed away. I can still vividly remember once, my family brought her to Singapore’s Changi Airport as she really loved that place. In her wheelchair, I pushed her around and explored the terminals. We bought a “SilkPro” brand shampoo for me, and until today, I am still using it. Before heading home, we had Ya Kun Kaya Toast together. However, given my grandmother’s condition, she could no longer chew or swallow solid food with ease. My mother slowly fed her with the coffee while I ate the kaya toast. Initially, I never liked the taste of kaya; but after that day, I love it. I have no idea why too. All I know is that, today, the toast would always give a feeling of nostalgia. I would then remember crystal clearly the countenance of my grandmother.
I miss my grandmother a lot, and hope that I can turn back time. My grandmother has already passed away and if only there was anything that I can ever do to bring her back. If only there is a time machine available in the world that has the ability to bring me back in time instantaneously. I would then be able to relive those experiences again. I bet that it would be such an exhilarating experience, if there really is. I would start treating others better. However, there is no such machine and it is impossible to go back in time. In life, we will never be able to change what had already happened. Therefore, we should never look back. Instead, we should focus on what is right in front of us now. As the popular saying goes, “Yesterday is history; tomorrow is a mystery; today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.” The present is of utmost importance to you right now. If we neglect this fact, what is right in front now will soon turn into yet another piece of memory, and turn into the past. Time is precious, and irreversible. We should learn how to cherish what we have now as though they will be gone the next second. That way, we will be much happier in life. Today is the 16 June 2011. She left me on 16 March 2011. It has been exactly 3 months since she had been gone and I do hope that by what I do today would lead me to happiness too.
Nostalgia and Memories.
Today, I unexpectedly chanced upon a few of my old photo albums. Inside were many photos of my childhood, taken when I was still very young. While browsing through the album, nostalgia surged through me. I felt a feeling of nostalgia surge through me. I started thinking of my past. I started to think of the people who were in my life. One of whom is my grandmother, who is a prominent figure in my life.
My grandmother is probably one of the fiercest looking grandmothers that you can find. With her loud and vibrant voice, she would always be nagging at me incessantly. I found it very irritating sometimes. However, she would have the most caring attitude towards her grandchildren.
Ever since I was born into this world, my grandmother would take care of me when my parents were busy with their work. She would always be there for me, feeding me with powdered milk, singing a lullaby for me to sleep to, and taught me how to start speaking. Basically, my grandmother was like a mother to me. Every time, without fail, whenever I told her I wanted to buy my favorite toys, she would take out money from her own savings and get them for me. She never questioned me, not even once, why I wanted those toys. All that she wanted was for me to be happy. She was someone whom I know that I can truly rely on. She took care of me even till I was in primary six and I would used to visit her every weekend.
It was only just February this year when I found out something -something that I wished that I had not known of. It was her medical condition. As weeks transpired, her skin tone seemed to turn yellow. Her eyes were yellowish in color, and he skin was pale yellow too. Not only that, I could also feel that she was getting weaker and weaker. Being curious, I went back to check on what her condition might be, as my tight-lipped parents did not want to tell me anything. I found out that her yellow skin tone and eyes were caused by a medical condition called “jaundice”. Jaundice is a condition that will occur when a patient’s organs fail. I could not really sleep that night, and kept thinking of what could possibly go wrong with my grandmother.
The next day, I went over to visit my grandmother. As I sat down next to her, she smiled feebly at me. I can never forget the smile on her face. She was so weak but still bothered to lift a smile just for me. I began to chat with her about how she was doing and if she was feeling any discomfort. She then explained to me that the doctors operated on three places and kept giving her jabs. I could feel her pain. She told me that it was really painful and it had something to do with her gall bladder. As she was explaining these, I almost broke down in tears right in front of her! I could not stand it seeing the person, who took such great care of me, suffer so much. I held back my emotions and put up a brave front. Afterwards, I continued talking to her as naturally as I could, for the rest of the day. That night, I did some research and found out that my grandmother might have contracted gall-bladder cancer. I immediately approached my parents and wanted to elicit an answer from them. My mother then confirmed my suspicions that grandmother really had contracted gall-bladder cancer and her health had been deteriorating ever since. The cancer cells had spread to the liver, causing my grandmother’s liver to fail. My mother also added that the doctor had ascertained that she was only left with a remaining lifespan of only three to six months. The longest period that she could still live was probably only just a year! I was really shocked and dumbfounded. What was worse was that I had to keep her condition a secret from everyone else and pretend that I did not know about it. At that point of time, I just hoped that everything wasn’t real.
I went back to my room and did not sleep well the whole night. Thoughts had been filling up my mind. Why would this happen so soon? She was still laughing and joking last month! Why did she have to leave so early? I needed more time. I wanted to show her my O level results at the very least. The night felt so long as I turned restlessly on my bed I just couldn’t sleep. The piece of information about my grandmother’s condition had been bogging me down ever since I knew of it. No matter how hurting it was to me, I still had to go to school and continue my life as per normal. Regardless of where I went, be it to school or to family outings, I would have to put on a façade. I would have to pretend that nothing happened and that I was very strong. In order to make myself feel better, I started visiting my grandmother and grandfather every week without fail and hoped that my presence would, in return, make my grandmother feel better. Knowing that I would live to regret if I did not spend more time with her, I quickly seized every opportunity I got to see my grandmother and made her last few weeks of life as memorable one. There were many family outings organized just to bring my grandmother out more. It felt like the time when the whole of the big family was really bonded. Anyway, I have learnt a lesson. You can never believe what the doctors say, my grandmother passed away shortly after one month.
Right now, I can still vaguely remember what happened that evening, 1 when she passed away... Ok, I lied. Do I really still remember it? Or is it just me, who still refuses to accept the fact and pretend that I have forgotten everything? Deep in my heart, I know it’s the latter. I know that I am just lying to myself that I can’t remember what happened that evening. I fear that it will probably hurt like a zillion needles pricking me if I were to choose to admit that the memory is still fresh and vivid in my mind. Every day, I force myself to think positively so that it will not torment me that much and choose to think about all of the awesome memories I had with her.
I have many beautiful memories with my grandmother before she passed away. I can still vividly remember once, my family brought her to Singapore’s Changi Airport as she really loved that place. In her wheelchair, I pushed her around and explored the terminals. We bought a “SilkPro” brand shampoo for me, and until today, I am still using it. Before heading home, we had Ya Kun Kaya Toast together. However, given my grandmother’s condition, she could no longer chew or swallow solid food with ease. My mother slowly fed her with the coffee while I ate the kaya toast. Initially, I never liked the taste of kaya; but after that day, I love it. I have no idea why too. All I know is that, today, the toast would always give a feeling of nostalgia. I would then remember crystal clearly the countenance of my grandmother.
I miss my grandmother a lot, and hope that I can turn back time. My grandmother has already passed away and if only there was anything that I can ever do to bring her back. If only there is a time machine available in the world that has the ability to bring me back in time instantaneously. I would then be able to relive those experiences again. I bet that it would be such an exhilarating experience, if there really is. I would start treating others better. However, there is no such machine and it is impossible to go back in time. In life, we will never be able to change what had already happened. Therefore, we should never look back. Instead, we should focus on what is right in front of us now. As the popular saying goes, “Yesterday is history; tomorrow is a mystery; today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.” The present is of utmost importance to you right now. If we neglect this fact, what is right in front now will soon turn into yet another piece of memory, and turn into the past. Time is precious, and irreversible. We should learn how to cherish what we have now as though they will be gone the next second. That way, we will be much happier in life. Today is the 16 June 2011. She left me on 16 March 2011. It has been exactly 3 months since she had been gone and I do hope that by what I do today would lead me to happiness too.
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