Myriad of Thoughts.
I never get it. As I receive my English results today, I was appalled. Questions filled my mind. Why did I get such a low grade? I merely passed my paper one. Although there was slight improvement in my paper two, paper pulled me down completed and I got only 56.7% for the entire English marks. I was confused. It was a morale to think that my English grade would go up simply by improving my grammar. That was a total mistake.
Everybody is getting really stress during this period of time. There are only twenty-two days. Time has flew by so quickly. That quick that I could not keep up. The next twenty-two days is what I have got to pull up my grades to what I really wanted for myself. That twenty-two days is all that I have left, yet I still have so many subjects that I need to pull their grades up. English, Maths, Chemistry, Geography, Social Studies, Design and Technology... Basically everything. The pressing issue now is to have 5 sets of maths paper completely done finished by the end of the week. I am really stressed out by all these.
Looking back, I thought of how much have I been through this year. All those problems and troubles felt like a dream. It felt as though nothing of all that had happened at all. Losing faith, losing people, losing almost everything. What else can break me? I should be strong enough to endure further hardships that await me in the near future. Time changed me. So what if I am stronger now? I am much more disliked by people. Whenever I go to school, I feel that me and my schoolmates have became estranged. There seems nothing else to talk about except for studies. Yeah,I can feel it too. In the past, I would get so bothered about this and not be able to concentrate on my studies. However, the present me, I am able to totally ignore all of those and focus on myself only. This resulted in a "me" who is more selfish, who only appear to care about nothing else except for myself. I made many hurting and selfish remarks to others which they got pretty hurt and pissed at me for them.
Today, I got stressed during lesson time and said something bad to somebody as I wanted to concentrate. After which she never talked to me for the entire day, even up till now. That wasn't all and she wasn't the only one whom I enraged. I provoked another person too. How I wish that she would know that I didn't mean what I have said to her. I do care, really. Sometimes it's really such an irony when you care for somebody yet you do some stupid things like denying that you do not care.
It's the words that have been coming out of my mouth that hurt people so much at the expense of my concentration. The selfish me often feel so guilty and yet does not know what to do.
To be frank, I am really confused. I do not know what type of person should I be. Should i be those people who care a lot for others? But I know that I would be greatly affect easily by being overly caring about others. Or should I be tue selfish one who does not care about anybody else except himself. That way I would be able to focus better. However, many people would be hurt, and I do not feel good about it. It's so hard to be the "bad" person. Sometimes my conscience gets the better of me and I started to feel so bad about myself. Honestly, I am really confused. Whenever I treat someone nice, there would be a voice inside me that would curb me from continuing to do so. I am just so confused but I know that things will get better in time. I will give my best shot in everything I do at least for this remaining twenty-two days. I will and I must.
There will be an English Intensive program for the upcoming days till the farewell assembly.
I be it would be really tiring yet fulfilling. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger right? I am sure I will survive those papers. Haha.
That's all for today, I am sure things will end up pretty fine.
Everybody is getting really stress during this period of time. There are only twenty-two days. Time has flew by so quickly. That quick that I could not keep up. The next twenty-two days is what I have got to pull up my grades to what I really wanted for myself. That twenty-two days is all that I have left, yet I still have so many subjects that I need to pull their grades up. English, Maths, Chemistry, Geography, Social Studies, Design and Technology... Basically everything. The pressing issue now is to have 5 sets of maths paper completely done finished by the end of the week. I am really stressed out by all these.
Looking back, I thought of how much have I been through this year. All those problems and troubles felt like a dream. It felt as though nothing of all that had happened at all. Losing faith, losing people, losing almost everything. What else can break me? I should be strong enough to endure further hardships that await me in the near future. Time changed me. So what if I am stronger now? I am much more disliked by people. Whenever I go to school, I feel that me and my schoolmates have became estranged. There seems nothing else to talk about except for studies. Yeah,I can feel it too. In the past, I would get so bothered about this and not be able to concentrate on my studies. However, the present me, I am able to totally ignore all of those and focus on myself only. This resulted in a "me" who is more selfish, who only appear to care about nothing else except for myself. I made many hurting and selfish remarks to others which they got pretty hurt and pissed at me for them.
Today, I got stressed during lesson time and said something bad to somebody as I wanted to concentrate. After which she never talked to me for the entire day, even up till now. That wasn't all and she wasn't the only one whom I enraged. I provoked another person too. How I wish that she would know that I didn't mean what I have said to her. I do care, really. Sometimes it's really such an irony when you care for somebody yet you do some stupid things like denying that you do not care.
It's the words that have been coming out of my mouth that hurt people so much at the expense of my concentration. The selfish me often feel so guilty and yet does not know what to do.
To be frank, I am really confused. I do not know what type of person should I be. Should i be those people who care a lot for others? But I know that I would be greatly affect easily by being overly caring about others. Or should I be tue selfish one who does not care about anybody else except himself. That way I would be able to focus better. However, many people would be hurt, and I do not feel good about it. It's so hard to be the "bad" person. Sometimes my conscience gets the better of me and I started to feel so bad about myself. Honestly, I am really confused. Whenever I treat someone nice, there would be a voice inside me that would curb me from continuing to do so. I am just so confused but I know that things will get better in time. I will give my best shot in everything I do at least for this remaining twenty-two days. I will and I must.
There will be an English Intensive program for the upcoming days till the farewell assembly.
I be it would be really tiring yet fulfilling. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger right? I am sure I will survive those papers. Haha.
That's all for today, I am sure things will end up pretty fine.
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